The boy with the guitar

Give me the boy with the guitar
The one that can make me forget the crap in my life
By just plucking a few strings
And taking my breath away

Give me the boy with the smile
The one that makes my head spin around and my heart stop beating
By just breaking through like the sun
And brightening my day

Give me the boy with the smirk
The one that makes me want to strangle him and kiss him at the same time
By driving me insane
And making me love him even more

Give me the boy with the mind

The one that intrigues me and makes me want to know what makes it tick

By puzzling me more every day

And making me want to sort through the pieces

Give me the boy with the voice

The one that makes me laugh harder and love stronger

By just singing a few lines

Or saying a few words

Give me the boy

The one that I know is there

Please just come out

And meet the girl with the broken heart

Who has always been here

Listen up, heart

OK heart, we need to have a little talk.

This has gotten out of control.

You know I can't love him.

Yeah I know, I know, he's all we ever wanted.

Talented

funny

sweet

flirty

amazing

beautiful

intelligent

everything...

But you have to ignore that.

You NEED to ignore that.

Cause you know who he is, what he's like,

and I can't stand to have you broken again.

I tried to write about nature

I tried to write about nature

But my heart bubbled up and I couldn't bring it back down.

My heart thuds in my chest like an angry parent on the door when I see him.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

He grabs the wild heart and squeezes it to dust when I see him with her.

Or her.

Or her.

Or her.

He walks away, clueless, and I am completely crushed from the pain.

No more.

No more.

No more.

STOP.

Of course I had to be the one who falls for the biggest player in the school.

The one who everyone says is no good and I shouldn't waste my time on.

But I don't want the player.

I don't like him at all.

I want the boy underneath the mask.

The one that I saw. That one day.

You probably didn't even think about it,

but maybe that's why you avoid my gaze.

Because as soon as we starred into each others eyes I saw the boy behind the player.

The boy who is just like everyone else.

Maybe a bit different though.

Different enough to find the need to cover him up.

A boy who's afraid.

I'm afraid too, boy.

But even I can't hide forever.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you are just a straight up jerk and I should forget all about you,

but your eyes speak louder then your words.

I'm just not sure which one to trust right now.

Murderer

Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing to do.

I had to make a really hard decision this week.

I had to crush someone's heart. 

I felt it was the right decision.

I feel peace about it.

So then why do I feel like a murderer?

Someone gave me their heart.

I thought someone loved me.

I thought someone trusted me.

And I had to try to shove his heart back into his chest without breaking it,

which is much harder than it sounds.

I didn't want to break his heart.

I didn't want to break mine.

But I had to.

We are too young.

We both need some growing up to do.

A few more heartbreaks to get us toughened up.

A few more high school crushes to crush us.

Sometimes it takes a heart dying to realize you need to be more careful with it.

I just wish I didn't have to be the one to destroy his.

Letter to my future daughter

My dearest daughter,

I am so sorry. But you are probably very much like me.

We have some pretty messed up genetics in this family, so sorry about that. Can't really change it.

But I know what your going through right now.

You think you aren't enough.

You think that no one will ever really care about you.

You are scared of what the future holds and if it ever gets better than this.

And you know what, I love you beyond words, but I can't help you.

It doesn't matter how many compliments you receive. It never will.

You could get told that you are the most beautiful thing on the planet every day, and never believe it.

It's never about what other people tell you about you, it's what YOU tell yourself about YOU.

And YOU need to love yourself.

But trust me, I know that it is not as easy as it sounds.

All throughout your youth it will be a climb to not fall into the darkness that beacons you.

But never give up.

Keep climbing.

And I will always be there with an outstretched hand to help you reach the top.

I guess what I'm trying to say is:

I know life sucks. And I'm sorry. 

But maybe we can make it through it together.

With Love,

Mom

When your afraid

I've already made two lists of what I'm afraid of.

And you know what, I'm tired of making that list.

What I think the real fear is, is what happens to us when we're afraid.

What happens when your afraid?

Trapped.

Alone.

Petrified.

Nervous.

Frozen.

Overwhelmed.

Panicked.

Wild.

Nothing can be scarier that loosing control of yourself.

let's walk through the night

Let's walk through the night.

With just the dim, flickering streetlamps to light our way.

It may be cold, but at least you'll be there with me.

We could look at the stars, try to find the brightest one,

Try to imagine pictures up there arranged by angels.

Look up at the moon and try to remember the name of the phase it's in.

We could just look at our surroundings.

All in the same shade of dark blue that night blankets the world in.

See the edges of the mountain highlighted by the moonlight.

Or maybe we could just close our eyes and listen.

The crickets sing their lullaby to the world.

Silence being it's steady accompaniment.

Maybe we could just talk.

Forget how the cool, crisp air is making our throat sore.

The night gives a certain protection to our words, like the sky is saying it will keep our secret.

Protecting us from eavesdropping ears.

The best conversations always happen at night.

The best stories come from the night.

The best times with you always come from the night.

So let's walk through the night.

Let's walk through together.